wednesday

so she thought she would screw me and tell me she no longer wants to watch her grandson.. Little does she NOW realize, she is biting her nose to spite her face..
Instead im home with jax.. which i am not going to lie, i LOVE being home with him.. I love that kid more than my own life,. so getting extra jax time is awesome

so heres to my jax day.. and working of course too!!

Monday................

its monday.. part of me was excited to get back to a normal week.. part of me wasnt..
So friday, i went to see gg and i had time to spend since i was off and jax was in daycare.. i have to tell you that for the first time sitting there, i felt that i had no connection to her there.. like i know, she is there, but i feel her with me soo much more than i have ever in my life.. strange, but i almost feel like she is protecting me..

Was an overall good weekend. .got some good quality jax time in.. i feel good today. .
Tonight, ZUMBA!!

courage

Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage

new beginnings~

so here i sit at my little make shift office/cube hole in the far front corner of my oddly shaped bedroom. I have a cup of coffee and a whole lot of shit to say..
My husband and i have split. Not officially or legally but he now occupies a small studio not to far from here. .
He says that this is mostly my doing, however, its not..
Its equal, i believe. He most certainly wants the woman he met back.. Sorry to say she died with my daughter..
What i want is for him to stop looking for greener pastures so to speak.
I was never a snooper, but when your gut tells you to, you do it.
And i am surprised every goddam time i look

Now we will see how long this train wreck occupies his time.. He thinks i don't know.. innocent conversation or not.. I guess since I'm old news and non exciting, spending hours on the phone with me or texting me, or perhaps looking at me like i was that exciting shiny new toy shouldnt be expected..
oh well.. moving on..

Tomorrow is a mental health day for me.. Lil man will be in daycare and i will be out doing what I want. No interruptions.. I'm soooo looking forward to it..

The Mornings

Most mornings are full of hustle and bustle.... timing the morning by the faint sounds of cartoon characters coming off my living room television.. This particular morning, I am sitting in the dining room with the most handsomest man having breakfast. I am home today.. these are by far, my favorite days..

I wish I could look at the world with the same eyes he has, although thankfully because of him, i spend much of my time doing just that..

I remember mornings like this with Gina, they were the higlight of my life.. And as she got older, we made sunday our day to eat out.. Either breakfast at the diner or dinner at applebees.. those were the choices she gave me.. But i think my favorite was when she chose breakfast.. we put on our favorite sweat and snuggled into a booth and talked about life.. Life through her eyes..

So here I sit, hoping to create those little moments with my son.. the moments i treasure with Gina... till next time..

My first blog

So i am all on the social forums..facebook and such but i don't feel that sometimes I have a place to write and get my thoughts down , maybe not for the world to see but maybe i place that i can get it all out.. so to speak..
I have a long drawn out history and for my first blog i guess i just want to get started and see what happens...
And learn what life is like in my world, in my shoes (size 7 BTW) and my heart..

trae